I have always felt like I needed someone or to be part of some
group. I supposed we are designed for fellowship and community, but I believe
we have trampled on the intended idea of community. I believe community was
intended by the maker to be all inclusive. However, I too often see limits
placed on community and fellowship. Groups quickly become exclusive. We exclude
people for so many reasons. I know personally I felt excluded from groups of
people from grade school to adulthood. I still have many moments were I don’t
quite feel like I belong. Those moments suffocate me. Those moments cause me to
question myself but more so question how people are oblivious. Then, I remember
I am an overanalyzer and maybe I truly see and feel things on a deeper level
than other people. BUT, it is so simple to understand people…LISTEN. Be
present, truly present when you are together. Notice the little things…voice
inflections, eye contact, facial expressions or lack thereof. Listen to the
words they say as well as the ones they don’t. We tell each other so much
without even speaking, but in our society we are so concerned with “me” or “our
little group” or our phones that we miss what those around us are telling us
through their silence.
Now, I am not pleading out. I too can be consumed to the
point I don’t interpret what people around me are feeling, but that is not who
I want to be. I have thought long and hard about MY tribe. You hear talk about
loving your tribe or finding your people. Over the past year I realized, the
quest for my tribe actually killed my vibe. When you want so much to be
included, your heart aches when you realize you weren’t a thought or worse you
were an afterthought. The death of my vibe doesn’t make for a very social Lana.
Several people from my high school class got together this
past weekend, and I intentionally didn’t go. I kinda feel bad that I didn’t go now.
But you see I smiled at high school graduation. I didn’t really shed a tear
because I felt totally lost and out of place among people who once made me feel
alive. High school is a treacherous place in and of itself. It is the birthplace
to the exclusive social group (well maybe middle school). While I was in high school, my
daddy died. Losing a parent at any age is difficult, but high school is a
pretty pivotal time. Two weeks to the day after my daddy died, my granddaddy
died. Before the end of the month, my dog had gotten killed. It was a brutal time. I
retreated away from most people. I didn’t want to be a part of anything. I
cried myself to sleep most nights. I cried until there were no more tears. I
grieved away from the crowd. During this time, my boyfriend was my rock. He was
all I needed. (I ended up marrying him) When I was able to cope and was ready to reemerge to the land of
the living, I was different. My friends were different. I no longer had a place
with them. It was a hard two years for me. So, when I got the chance to reminisce about
high school, I really didn’t want to. I suppose though that wasn’t fair to the
people who did. I apologize because there were some really great moments in
high school too.
Thinking about high school caused me to reexamine me. I was
different after losing my daddy and that loss continues to mold me into a
gentler, a more giving, open, and compassionate individual. And it is in that
molding that I realize my tribe is my journey. I have met some of the most
extraordinary people over the course of my life. There are people who I briefly
knew who changed me. There are people who I feel I have known forever but never
see who are there when I need them. There are people who come and go frequently
yet their visits or texts have the ability to grow me into a more loving person
and faithful servant. There are four specific people I live with who hold a
huge chunk of my heart and have taught me to experience love on a whole new level. Finally,
there are people I am continuing to meet, and I am looking forward to the
fellowship they will bring and the lessons they will impart.
So, I say all of that to say this. If you are like me and
don’t feel like you fit in, look past the immediate circle you aren’t included
in and find opportunities to fellowship with those who need your presence. God
provides us with people who need OUR fellowship. Don’t let yourself be blinded
by the people who can’t see you. Also, be careful not to hurt those around you
by not being present. Listen with your heart to their words and to their silence. Tell them you
love them or you are proud of them or you are praying for them. Send a text.
Hug a neck. Pat a back. Be more of the person God intended your to be. Inclusion and fellowship can
mean so much to a person in your path not just those in your immediate social circle. #bepresent #godsloveisinclusive
I pray, Lord, you consume all of my heart and then allow my
heart to gracefully guide my words and actions towards those people you place
in front of me.
