Redeemed Failure

Why is the hardest part actually starting? What actually holds us back? I’ve blogged before about my being lead to write. I still feel that I’ve been called to write…still not completely sure what or why, but I do believe it is something God has worked out for me. However, even my knowing this doesn’t make actually committing to doing it any easier. At first I allowed fear trap me, but it is no longer fear limiting me. I am limiting me. I put it off. I always seem to be busy with my job or my sewing (which has turned into a second job) or my children’s activities or my responsibilities at church. So, my excuse begins with…I’m toooo busy to write. Then there are those moments where I am at my computer, but I find myself not writing. Many times I don’t begin because I don’t know WHAT to say. Yet when I go to God with such a bogus excuse…He is kinda like, “Lana, HELLO! I can’t give you words to write if you don’t write. Just write. Sit down. Make time. Write.” And here’s the thing, I know that. I believe that wholeheartedly, but I still turn away. WHY? This living out your faith thing is HARD! I know God. I trust God. I do believe He can use even ME and my feeble attempt at putting words onto paper, but I still avoid. Maybe it is the “fallen” part of man. We all struggle with being obedient. Maybe I am quick to say we when I should really be saying ME.  I lack obedience. That is why I am SOOOOO glad Jesus came to this earth to provide redemption for my disobedient butt.

Through the years there have been times I bought into the lie of living a life free of sin (like it is even possible). I felt guilt when my walk fell short of perfection. I felt like God was mad at me or disappointed in me for my lack of submission to His will.

Craziness!! God mad at me because I failed Him. That, my friend, just isn’t in His nature. I know this because God made me a parent, and I’ve learned that no matter what my little B’s do to anger me or even when they disappointment me, I can’t look at them without my heart swelling with LOVE (even if I am screaming at them). I LOVE them always. I love them past the tantrums. I love them past the holes in the wall or the busted windows. I love them past the pre-teen sneers of “You hate me.” No my child I don’t hate you, I want the absolute best for you.  ALWAYS! I will LOVE you FOREVER!! 

God sent His SON to earth to secure an opportunity for each of us to live a life in constant connection with Him through the Holy Spirit. In that Spirit God proves to us that His LOVE for us is never-ending. So, to answer to his nudging spirit, I am making a commitment (I have someone in place to hold me accountable to said commitment) to publish a blog post at least once a week.  

Though I know I will continue to fail God daily with my life, I am praying even those failures will strengthen my relationship with Him and my ability to feel and listen to His spirit. I plead with those who are reading my words to pray for me. Please pray for my words to be a reflection of His spirit-living within me. Please pray I will listen closely to His direction. Please pray for me to hold true to my commitment. Please just pray...God has plans for me! Of this I am certain!!