Thirty Something...

So, this year I reached an age that is closer to 40 than 30. Wait. What? When in the hell did that happen? We hear all the time how quickly time passes, but it doesn’t quite resonate until, BAM! It has passed. We then realize just how quick it does pass. I suppose, because my daddy died when I was 15, I was more aware of the possibility of death.  However, the awareness was more focused on other people’s deaths…older people. Now I am the older people, and I am hyperaware of death of both young and old. Many young people die prematurely because of accidents or sickness, but you know older people die for the same reasons.  Time is time, and time cannot be bottled or held onto or stopped. Time was created to pass. We were created to pass, but before passing we were created to live a full life.  We don’t exactly know how much fullness we will be allowed to live. Therefore, we must make the most of the days we do have.

As I reflect on my thirty-six years, there are some opinions and advice I want to share with the young ones before their time passes by. Things I learned. Things I regret. Things I got right. Things I may have done differently.

1. Study abroad. If I had the opportunity to redo college, I would most definitely take advantage of the study abroad program. How often will most people have an opportunity to spend months in a foreign country? All financial obligations and living arrangements are taken care of just as if you were at college in the states…you just show up, have a place to stay, go to class, and explore. My biggest college regret is not studying abroad. I always said I was going to do it, but before I realized it, time passed and I was applying for graduation and hadn’t done it. So, plan and plan early if you are college bound!

2. Read. Read. Read. Write. And read some more. I hear myself so often in the voices of babes. I hate reading. It’s so boring. I’m such a slow reader. I would rather watch the movie. The list, of what I now classify as excuses, could go on and on, and I admit that I said most of them. AHHHHHH! It makes me want to scream now. Let me tell you why I believe you should start reading if you don’t already. Reading will develop your voice, and who doesn’t want to have a strong and valiant voice? Reading builds your vocabulary which in essence just makes you smarter. Reading cultivates your imagination. Reading strengthens your writing, and if you are remotely contemplating college, you will write and you will write some more. It may take you a book or two to find something that takes hold of you, but you will. Once you do, you will fall in love with books. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would EVER reread a book. What would be the point? Oh, the point is that words are so unbelievably powerful and will dwell in your soul, and you will want to feel them over and over again. I admit now I LOVE READING! I only wish I had started this passionate love story earlier in my life. I feel I have wasted so much time that I could have devoted to stories. Stories that seep into the very core of who you are and strengthen you as a person without even trying. Have I mentioned that I LOVE READING? So, after you finish this post, go read a book!!

3. Realize early what it means to be a true Christian. If you are part of the family of Christian believers, learn early that ALL people sin, and all people fall short, even YOU! For some reason, early in my faith I believed that because I didn’t drink alcohol, participate in illegal drugs, or have sex I was a “better” Christian than the individuals who did participate in such behavior. Bullshit! I can call it that now, but I didn’t see it then. Christianity is not about following a rigid set of rules or regulations, but it is about having a personal relationship with a living God. It is about communicating with that God and allowing Him to direct your path. Seek a relationship with God. Ask Him to abide in your heart. Listen to Him as he provides you directions and assurance.

4.  Let your passions define you. Find those things in your life that you are passionate about, and go all in. Living a passionate life is so unbelievably tiring, but it will bring a joy far greater than living a life void of emotion. I am not saying that a passionate life is easy because it is not. You will encounter the devil over and over trying to steal your joy. I believe there are people in the world that are intimidated by passionate people. Don’t let those people steal your passion. People who live passionately tend to also hurt with the same level of fervor. You will encounter individuals who will try to break you, and they will almost succeed because living passionately makes you vulnerable. However, at your most vulnerable your passion will give you an inner strength. You will be damned if ANYONE will destroy that passion. You will protect at all cost. It’ll be hard but worth it in the end…I promise!

5. LOVE. Love deeply. Love unconditionally. Love daily. Take note because I didn’t say lust. I didn’t say judge. I didn’t say pretend. Love is not a word that is to be reserved for some romantic fairy tale relationship. Love is an intentional way to live out every day. Some days it is easier to love. Some people are easier to love. None the less, LOVE! In college, my college minister once said, “Love is not a feeling. Love is an action.” How poignant? Pair that thought with the concept that God is love. We must then realize that our daily actions are representations of God’s love. Do your actions accurately depict the vastness and show the graciousness of God’s love?   The greatest commandments God gives us: 1. Love Him 2. Love Others!!! I may not be able to do much, but I am capable of loving because He first loved me.

I suppose I could write so many more things, and I may next year as I reflect on my 37^th birthday. Winkie Face! I pray that you will pursue a life that you are excited about living. Do things you want. Don’t wait because you may lose the opportunity. Surround yourself with people that share your passions or at least support how passionate you are about your devotions. Through it all, remember to laugh. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at others. Try to find the humor in all situations and appreciate that humor! If I am created in the likeness of God, I am certain He has one hell of a sense of humor. I mean, come on, how couldn’t He… 

You CAN'T always eat your cake!!

How did we come to live in a world where the people residing in it believe things are owed to them? No matter if you are black or white, Christian or atheist, rich or poor, have the “right” last name or not, you are NOT owed a DAMNED thing!

(Side note: I am a Christian. I use cuss/curse words. Often. I am a communication studies major and completely understand that words, in general, are social symbols that were socially constructed by man. Man made these words socially unacceptable or taboo, not God. Just saying. It is very likely that my lyrical prowess could include a curse word and scripture in the same paragraph. I’m that girl. I hope I don’t defend you, but if I do, I do. Judge me if you want.)

Back to other rant now. At some point people, specifically groups of people began to believe because they are part of this group or that group that they should be looked at or treated differently. Our society has become an “I want my piece of cake and eat it too.” I want to eat it right now, in front of you, AND I may even laugh in your face because you don’t have a piece.  

I've heard and seen so many things. We want more young people in church, but we don’t want a contemporary service. I want to lose about 40 pounds, but I don't want to exercise or eat right. I want my child to have this teacher, but I do not want that student in his class. The problem with this mentality is that people refuse to understand the elements of hard work and integrity. The truth is that you must play the hand you were dealt in life. If you want change, you don’t make it happen by bad mouthing someone.

Tonight, I am writing this post because ultimately I am pissed at how a good friend of mine was talked about today. She is an honorable, hard-working and super loving individual. Her character was attacked by someone because that person did not get what they wanted. A person who in the past has been granted many things he or she may not have deserved. I suppose I understand the game of playing favorites or using your position or your last name to get what you want, but I try my best not to do that. For instance this school year, my son was placed in a class without any of his close friends. The teacher, of the class that had all of his friends, wanted me to go to the principal and get my son moved into her class. I have a pretty good relationship with my principal, and he more than likely would have moved my son. However, I don’t want to be that kind of person.  I really do try and recognize that neither I nor any of my family members are superior, and we are in no way owed anything by anyone. I try to teach my children that if they want something they must work for it. I have also prepared them for the unfairness of small town politics. They are learning to accept where they are placed on the field and play that position (and play it to the best of their ability).

Philippians 2:14-15 says, “Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.” Yes, we live in a world that is not fair. People will try to lie, steal, cheat, bad-mouth and bitch to get exactly what they want, but what WE want is not we are called to want. Through many of those evil ways, people eventually get what they want or at least get revenge on the someone that hindered them getting what they wanted.

However, I prefer to turn from such evil slander and seek a much greater prize. There are times that I do become frustrated. There are days that I bad mouth (and later feel guilty for diminishing my character in the heat of the moment). There are days that I do not shine as bright as God would have me to shine.  My prayer tonight is for God to mold my heart and mind into vessels that acknowledge, accept, and conquer the evil of this world. My prayer is that God uses those crooked and twisted people to teach me how NOT to act. My prayer is for God to humble my heart, use my words, and for others to see Him more clearly because I reflect His light. 

P.S. I must say to my boo, I love you! You are awesome at what you do no matter what people say may say about you ;)

I’m a Piñata…

There are moments in life that other people can make you feel on top of the world. Their actions and words increase your self-value. You are a better person because they exist. Now, on the other side of that bridge are people that get inside of your soul and infect your spirit like a plague. I suppose as a Christian I should pray for these people, but I am honest when I say I don’t want to. Yes, I know that is not very Christian, and I actually have an extreme amount of guilt for feeling that way. However, when I continually encounter the hatred of certain people, I find the plague within my spirit spreading. I am a VERY passionate person. Passion can be an extreme gift or cause for severe heartache. When one passionately pours all of who they are into something, it is easy for them to be knocked down and hurt because there is so little of them left at the moment.

Several years ago, I encountered a leadership position that allowed me to be active in the lives of many teenagers around me. I will spare the details, but during that time others took whacks at me as if I was a piñata. The contents of the piñata, known as Lana, began to spill out, and I was very close to being completely empty and damaged beyond repair. However, God spoke through the words and actions of a group of teenagers. During a brief conversation with a couple of guys, I realized that my passion and compassion was having a positive impact on the Kingdom. SCREW you, piñata beaters!! When you find a sign that says “We love Lana” displayed for all to see, the contents of the piñata slowly regenerate and your spirit begins the healing process. Not to say the piñata beaters don’t continue to throw destructive measures my way because they do.  The reason for this post is because that same beater is taking whacks at someone close to me.

However, I will NEVER let someone take away my passion and my compassion for others. The thing about piñata beaters is they will come into your life and then go because their compassion for others tends to be overshadowed by self. They simply use you to move themselves higher. My God says in Philippians chapter 2 verses 3 and 4, “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” With that piñata beater, I pray to God for resolve in forgiving you, and I ask God to heal the plague you placed upon my spirit and to allow my spirit to become immune to your efforts.

Let’s end this post with an experiment. At this very moment, you could be the voice of God to someone in need. I am sure there are people in your life that have had or continue to have a positive impact on your life. Tell them! Show them! I am certain that God uses our voices and actions to build up His kingdom. We just have to let Him. Also, we need to actively listen to others so we won't miss God's voice. I promise you those teenage boys had no idea the things they said to me that night would change me, but hearing those words made my purpose in that moment crystal clear. Further words (spoken and written), from other teenagers along my journey, continue to assure me that God can and does use this old, beat-up piñata!!

tWenTy QuEstIoNs

So, yeah! We all do it. We all take those cheesy quizzes on Facebook that have specifically formulated the perfect set of random questions to determine what type of house we would be, what TV boyfriend we would have or…you get the point. I do them all the time, not necessarily posting my results. However, today I fell in love with the results of one because of its accuracy and honesty.  The quiz was: Can We Guess Who You Are in Only 20 Questions? Well…could they? The results were as follows:

Here is our best guess at who you are:

1. You are male.

2. You are still a teenager, but won't be one for very much longer.

3. You're in college and are already worried about finding the perfect job that will be both fulfilling and will pay well. Your future worries you more than you'd like to admit.

4. You have beautiful, silky brown hair and big eyes.

5. You know that if you'd only believe in yourself more, things would be much easier for you. Yet you still doubt your instincts more than you should, instead of trusting them every time.

Let’s start with the male teenager thing. Ha! Ha! Ha! Being a 35 (36 next month) year-old, mother of three rules out me being a teenage boy, but the ironic thing is that for years I declared myself to have the mindset of a teenage boy. For as long as I can remember, I have had closer relationships with “guy” friends than with “girl” friends. When I was a high school teacher and college professor, I always related to my male students easier. Their (I mean our) sense of humor is many times inappropriate, sarcastic and possibly raunchy but so remarkably funny. There was a time not too long ago that I struggled with my sense of humor and inappropriateness. Then I had a thought, God made me! God forms us and creates us into who we need to be in order to fulfill a purpose. Instead of feeling self-conscience of my relationships with these guys, I realize God allowed me to think like they do in order to relate to them, to form friendships and build trust, and to provide me an opportunity to be a spiritual mentor in their lives. So, that’s what I do…and I LOVE IT!

The fact the quiz says I am a teenager, but won’t be for much longer makes me giggle. I taught college for five years and moved to the high school level for the next five. During this time in my mind, I was certain I was still a teenager. My body, on the other hand, didn’t and doesn’t resemble teenage Lana. Teaching in the same high school I attended and being married to the same boy I dated in high school all kept my mind saying that I was indeed still 18. My students became good friends. I was the older sister they came to for advice, and I loved they felt they could. Within the last couple of years, I have found myself okay with moving somewhat out of that role. I even jumped at the opportunity to move from the high school to the elementary school. So, maybe I am a teenager moving into adulthood. And the best thing about that…I’m perfectly okay with it!

Let’s move on to worry. I have ALWAYS been a future-oriented person. In college, I constantly had my course catalog mapping out all of my classes. I did that through grad and post-grad school. Several years out of undergrad, I still consider what my future should hold. More school? Different job? Hobbies? Houses? Vehicles? In essence my questioning the future leads to the last statement revealed from the quiz. I really don’t believe in myself. I know that I am capable and many times I have the desire, but I allow self-doubt to overtake me. Many people believe that I ooze confidence and assurance. Boy, do I have them fooled! Recently, I decided that I really want to be a writer. Then I immediately think that I don’t have anything to say or no one will care. Plus, I suck at grammar particularly the comma, tenses, and the passive voice. So, I am certain that I could not be a good writer. So, again, I let doubt overtake me, and I do NOTHING! Thanks once more to God’s voice, I recognize that MY self-doubt is me doubting the ability of the master Creator. While doing a book study with my youth group, a chapter titled, “Religion Points to a Dim Future/Jesus Points to a Bright Future” rocked my world. The book is a fabulous read, but this particular chapter Bethke did a magnificent job helping me understand my role in life is to be a creator because I am made in the image of God, the original creator.  So, I’ve been writing. No matter what creative endeavor I engage, write a blog or paint a sign or take a picture, if I do it giving glory to God, then that is worship (even if the creation is secular in nature…blasphemy, you may think. I love it. Bethke let’s Christians see how much creativity they are missing out by limiting their palate to the Christian-only variety).

I started this blog that I am sure is of no consequence to anyone, but it was my step in following a calling. I have been working on a novel idea. I may only write a few sentences at a time, but I find my thoughts continue to generate a somewhat interesting plot. We will see! For now, I am happy that I have a few people in my life that have encouraged me in these areas. As for you, reader (if anyone actually read this far), you can pray for me. Pray for my teenage doubt to subside and for my will to unfold into His.

P.S. They were right about the color of my hair and eyes. My long, flowing silky locks were my pride and joy in high school. With each child I birthed, however, the texture of my hair did weird things. But for the most part, I still have pretty, healthy brown hair. My eyes, though not overly big, are hazel brown.

He came and went, but He will NEVER be forgotten!

People come and people go is an old adage that we hear for our entire lives. As we mature, we begin to realize how much truth is in that saying. When you are a member of a United Methodist Church, that adage is more than appropriate because every four or so years a preacher comes and a preacher goes. So, I am no stranger to having a pastor leave and to never see him or his family members again. Then again there are also preachers that depart that I see or stay in touch with through social media or homecoming visits. However, this past year we had a preacher to leave our congregation permanently because his physical body’s time on this earth was over. Death is such a difficult task for the living to overcome. Lately, I have really been thinking about our Pastor Pete because his spirit for seeking to show ALL people Christ was inspiring. He was definitely a believer in meeting people where they were. He wanted to assure people they didn't have to be something they were not in order to meet Jesus. I remember sitting with him talking about a new non-traditional church service he started. He said, “People who won’t come to the sanctuary for church will come to the fellowship hall, but there are also people that won’t come to the fellowship hall for church but will come to a store front in the middle of town.”



Pastor Pete had vision, but more important than his vision was his compassion. I believe that compassion most likely was the result of his spiritual understanding of GRACE. He preached the reality that there is absolutely NOTHING in this world we can do that can make us worthy of the gift God has given through His Son. NOTHING!!! Perfect Attendance does not guarantee salvation. Rule abiding does not guarantee salvation. Generosity does not guarantee salvation. Prudishness does not guarantee salvation. Just as none of these guarantee salvation, our salvation is not eliminated because of the music we listen to, the political party we vote for, the drinks or food we ingest. Salvation is salvation because of a divine SAVIOR!



I am so glad that at some point in my 35 almost 36 years I have come to the realization that I do not deserve of our Savior. I understand that God’s love doesn't rely on me. Even better than his love and forgiveness not being dependent on me is that fact that His judgment of me is free from the judgmental ways of the world. People are so cruel and unforgiving. I remember as a teen I believed the lies that churches and some Christians instill. Too often I heard that if people did this, that or that other (in the case of youth – drinking, drugging, and sexing) they weren't Christians. I bought into that lie for too many years. I believed that I was a better Christian because I didn't do those things. HaHaHa! I laugh out loud now at the absurdity of such a thought. Just because I didn't sin doing the big youth three, didn't mean I was without sin. Sin is sin is sin. I am consumed in sin…every day, every hour, every minute. The kicker is we are ALL consumed in sin to the same degree. The difference is some of us admit just how sinful we are and reconcile that God understands and loves us any way.



To all the people (particularly youth) that believe “I am not good enough.” Let me respond with this, “No you are not, but that is perfect because not good enough is exactly how God wants you. Not good enough is the perfect condition to use you in order for God to show His awesome and mighty power.”




Pastor Pete…Thank you for your service in ministry. Thank you for teaching God’s grace. Thank you for being an example of compassion, enthusiasm, and obedience. May your life be remembered through the actions of your parishioners.

Buzzing...

If my husband were here right this minute, he would give me an awfully nasty look and tell me to quit because I was shaking the house.  HaHa! He is not here, and I will continue pulsating my legs because my ADHD is in full gear. How appropriate to be diagnosed with ADD/ADHD in my thirties? This blog will be just as ADD as I am and will jump from topic to topic. You may read about my adorable but nerve-racking boys (who all have names that start with the letter “B” hence the name of the blog) or possibly a vengeful rant about the perils of reality or maybe a deep reflection on the love of Christ. There really is no telling what might be published from the “B” Hive!!